Woke up this morning and my eyes were swollen (how annoying). Had to think of the best way to make up so that they won't be obvious. Oh, I did a whole lot of crying last night and you see, I'm stronger than this. He & I have gone through a lot in the last two months (took some kind of weird separation) and I ensured I avoided a breakdown, until last night when I had a major cry-fest (and this is happening when we are trying to make an effort to work at things)
Maybe I'm just too sensitive! Maybe he is just damn insensitive. Maybe I read too much in2 nothing! Maybe he feels this is a non-issue! Whatever it is, there is a yawning chasm between us. Got me thinking this morning-should we stop working at things? Just decide that we are no good for each other and move on OR keep working at it, with the hope that we will understand each other better and be a good fit (see how I avoided saying a perfect fit-not sure that that is possible).
I really do not want to start the beginning of 2008 like this-I had even decided that this was all over until saturday when we met at our cousins' wedding (yes, his cousin got married to my cousin-it is a small world).
Anyway, my eyes are bloodshot this morning. He has a new job and suddenly everything is secondary to it. I have absolutely no intention of competing with a man's job. It is very much an egoistical thing for him. I shouldn't have to compete.
Ok, so here I am, my first post for the year is a lamentation-may the rest of my year portend better-AMEN