Reflections: How does one remain upbeat?

I have been in a particular department for all of my working life and about to make a change to another department. Not averse to change (and I honestly think it would be an exciting change) but having to do it now because my department is about to become "hell on earth" and I'm fortunate enough to have an escape route.

My present HOD is leaving by the end of the month and her 2-I-C (2nd in command) is taking over. Unfortunately, I reported to him for a while and we had our differences, which I honestly thought were addressed (let's forget that he has the habit of sending queries once I take a breath or during appraisal period, refused to recommend me for promotion {which thankfully I still got despite his opposition} or that my unit was now being run based on cliques {my people vs the others})

Truth is that like every other person, I have my issues with people (some I like, some I dislike) but I'm not a petty person by nature and truly do not bear grudges, but that un4tun8ly doesn't apply to 2-I-C. I was a bit taken aback to learn that he has verbally expressed how much he dislikes me (haba! i expected better! He's a Manager-why give me the time of day? Didn't realise I was that important) and his opportunity to make life hell has arisen.

As the Good Lord will have it, I have been "okayed" to move.

It just makes me reflect on a lot of things. I'm easily irritable, get turned off people so I just withdraw from them. I don't even bother being friendly. I just make sure you don't matter but have I ever been so petty? I don't want to think so.

I have always belonged to the school of thought that even if someone has so wronged me, that I so hate him/her, I don't want to dwell on it; I don't want to give the other party so much power over me and need to move on to other more important issues.

It now scares me that someone feels this strongly about me, worse, @ work (where I spend most of my life) and worst, my boss (who could make this place hell for me), although if I know myself, I'll resist (that's what got me in his bad books in the first place).

What's with all the sexual remarks?

Sorry, am I smelling of something? Am I exuding something I'm not aware of? Is there something about me that reeks "sex"? I'm here for you to take?

Frankly speaking I find it irritating and annoying. So you see me in one light (that definitely isn't my fault). Most of those guilty of these overtures are guys I meet at work, so there's nothing overtly sexy about my outfits (which are limited to suits or skirts and blouses/shirts). So why do they keep "flirting".

Being flirtatious isn't such a bad thing (there are ways to do it and it's quite flattering actually-I mean, who doesn't enjoy a li'l flattery?) but flat-out sexual sentences?

Last week I developed a sore throat and it was cramping my style big-time. I get a call from a chap that works in one of our subsidiaries and just mention it that I have a sore throat. He so "nicely suggests" that I get a deep kiss to help me with that. I told myself, I shouldn't get upset. My reaction was to tell him that at this rate the sore throat will have to stay.

To make it worse, he sends me a text message the next day, asking if I adhered to his prescription and if I would be willing to make lunch for him (I live alone, not run a brothel). I just ignored him and didn't even bother to respond.

The reason why I'm "lamenting" here is to give myself an outlet, because I have a feeling that when we do see, he won't like what I have to tell him.

I have one of these "friends" of mine ask me how I take care of myself sexually when I don't have a boyfriend (for goodness sake, we are not that close and work is the common factor here).

I am pear-shaped: plenty of hips, practically no boobs and a pretty slender waist! I'll spare you all the comments that has generated (you know it is supposedly an african thing, where our african men like girls with hips and butts-how "nice"). Now this is me, this is how I'm built and I want it respected. I rarely wear trousers and tuck in shirts to work (even during the periods we had to dress down and permitted to wear T-shirts and jeans to work) 'cos believe me, it does get tiring.

What's with all the sexual remarks? I have so much to offer besides being restricted to just my ass and tits?

You want to talk to me? Talk to me.

Well, all said, I intend to address the "deep kiss" issue asap!! Enough I say

Before I forget, did I mention that most of these sexual-laden remarks are made by my married colleagues? Don't get me wrong, it's not a behaviour I want to encourage in just anyone (I'm not so prudish that I can't enjoy a joke or two but i need to strictly limit those who feel they have a right to make those comments to me).

It TOTALLY PUTS ME OFF

This is just a JOKE! Enjoy!!

Double click on the picture-it will open in a new window and you can read it. Quite funny

Get Married Girl! You Are Out Of Time

My mum calls me up around 9 am on July 7, 2007, informing me that a daughter of a family friend of ours was getting married later that day, telling me it would be nice to go (see wayo! the woman was looking for a driver). I knew I could say no, but hey! she's my mum. Called her back to tell her I'd pick her up and we'd go together.

If you are familiar with Lagos, let me tell you what the journey entailed: I live in one part of town, my parents stay in another and the wedding was in Iju (what a trip) and I had to drop her at home before getting back to mine ( and did I mention that it was a rainy day and the traffic was amazing?)

My plan actually had been to pay a visit to my folks that day as I hadn't seen my mum for about five weeks (had been in the UK on vacation for two weeks and hadn't seen her since I got back), so I guess you can say "things wotrked out"

Well, I've always had a "cat and dog" relationship with my mum, so moving out in December 2006 did a lot to help our relationship. This way I knew I could get the hell out if she got on my nerves.

To be quite frank actually, the journey with her that day was interesting. My mum has a comment for everything (actually, we as her children suffer that), so the issue of me still being unmarried at almost 32 came up (AGAIN!!). My maternal grandma has joined the rally as well.

My mum told me that my time has run (at 31?). I was so amused I laughed. I told her I'm the more attractive bred now (nothing like matured fine wine) and for goodness sake, I'm just 31 (give me a break).

So I have issues: I refuse to be pressurised into this whole marriage thing. To be honest, if I wanted to get married today, I would (I mean he has been on my case for almost a year) but is that what I really want?

Am I asking for too much if I want to be happy and hope that I get it right? My idea of marriage is that the woman seems to have give up so so much (name, move house, change religion {hello!!you think I can't make a decision where my spiritual life is concerned}-the list is endless) and I don't want to lose my individuality. I need someone who would respect that and be supportive.

I have a fairly stubborn streak (won't even bother to argue with you especially if I'm sure I have facts on my side), so I need someone who accepts the good, the bad & ugly I present (and I know I can do the same too.

But at the end of the day, I do believe I'm scared of that level of commitment (you know, I can come up with a million reason, like the ones I stated above, but I really think that's it).

I once asked "him" (by the way, I'm not even dating him) how easy it was for him to know that he wanted to marry me and he gave me a whole bunch of reasons (lucky him) and here I am as the woman "dilly-dallying", despite the fact that we are often reminded that our "biological clock" is ticking away (what happened to adopting a child and loving it totally?-children are gifts, no matter what form they come in).

I want to be happy (is that too much to ask for??).

By the time I tell my mum, I'm planning to travel out for a masters degree, the woman may just have a heart attack.

I seem to be a LOST CASE!!!

What next? (2)

I finally decided what I need to do to relieve this boredom: undertake a masters' programme outside the country (probably the UK).

Believe me when I say things have really gotten to a head for me to come that decision. I have never be too keen on the idea of ever spending more than two weeks there (hate the weather, bloody expensive, morals are not at par) but that's where I am now-thinking of making the UK my home for at least a year next year.

I'm hoping the experience will do me good: make friends, learn something new, maybe changes to some of my reservations about "them". If not for the monetary consideration, I would have left naija like yesterday but all that has to wait till next year-it's a rolling plan and I'm setting it into motion.

What next?

It's 11 am on Monday July 2, 2007 and I'm feeling pretty jobless. I truly do not have much to do and I feel so redundant. It really isn't a nice feeling.

Don't get me wrong-there are days like that @ work and you don't mind, 'cause you could do with a little lull in work, but so early in the week? I wonder what this means for the whole of the week.

Thankfully, I'm being considered for a redeployment and can't wait to get out of here.

I did have a defined job at this time last year, till we had some new additions into the department (which truthfully speaking) I didn't see the need for (but moving on-why dwell in the past?).

One of them took over my functions (please note I wasn't informed that this change will take place till the chick resumed duty). A new desk was now carved out for (hmm! new challenge-may just be interesting). Had to work on defining the job description and that took a while-in the process made some new "friends" which wasn't bad but it is still not fulfilling and that's why I'm sitting here this morning, wondering what on earth I'm doing here.

A redeployment will just fill this void temporarily. Truth is I need a new job-I need a change. I want to do something else before I really lose it. Seven years of work experience should definitely count for something.

So many questions are now coming up in my mind-I realise I'm not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but here I am. I really hate to complain but maybe bearing in mind all the "voids" existing in my life should ginger me to do something desperately about them.

Suggestions, any1?

PS: I'm using the attached pic because I'm longing for some order in this life of mine.