Reflections: How does one remain upbeat?

I have been in a particular department for all of my working life and about to make a change to another department. Not averse to change (and I honestly think it would be an exciting change) but having to do it now because my department is about to become "hell on earth" and I'm fortunate enough to have an escape route.

My present HOD is leaving by the end of the month and her 2-I-C (2nd in command) is taking over. Unfortunately, I reported to him for a while and we had our differences, which I honestly thought were addressed (let's forget that he has the habit of sending queries once I take a breath or during appraisal period, refused to recommend me for promotion {which thankfully I still got despite his opposition} or that my unit was now being run based on cliques {my people vs the others})

Truth is that like every other person, I have my issues with people (some I like, some I dislike) but I'm not a petty person by nature and truly do not bear grudges, but that un4tun8ly doesn't apply to 2-I-C. I was a bit taken aback to learn that he has verbally expressed how much he dislikes me (haba! i expected better! He's a Manager-why give me the time of day? Didn't realise I was that important) and his opportunity to make life hell has arisen.

As the Good Lord will have it, I have been "okayed" to move.

It just makes me reflect on a lot of things. I'm easily irritable, get turned off people so I just withdraw from them. I don't even bother being friendly. I just make sure you don't matter but have I ever been so petty? I don't want to think so.

I have always belonged to the school of thought that even if someone has so wronged me, that I so hate him/her, I don't want to dwell on it; I don't want to give the other party so much power over me and need to move on to other more important issues.

It now scares me that someone feels this strongly about me, worse, @ work (where I spend most of my life) and worst, my boss (who could make this place hell for me), although if I know myself, I'll resist (that's what got me in his bad books in the first place).

What's with all the sexual remarks?

Sorry, am I smelling of something? Am I exuding something I'm not aware of? Is there something about me that reeks "sex"? I'm here for you to take?

Frankly speaking I find it irritating and annoying. So you see me in one light (that definitely isn't my fault). Most of those guilty of these overtures are guys I meet at work, so there's nothing overtly sexy about my outfits (which are limited to suits or skirts and blouses/shirts). So why do they keep "flirting".

Being flirtatious isn't such a bad thing (there are ways to do it and it's quite flattering actually-I mean, who doesn't enjoy a li'l flattery?) but flat-out sexual sentences?

Last week I developed a sore throat and it was cramping my style big-time. I get a call from a chap that works in one of our subsidiaries and just mention it that I have a sore throat. He so "nicely suggests" that I get a deep kiss to help me with that. I told myself, I shouldn't get upset. My reaction was to tell him that at this rate the sore throat will have to stay.

To make it worse, he sends me a text message the next day, asking if I adhered to his prescription and if I would be willing to make lunch for him (I live alone, not run a brothel). I just ignored him and didn't even bother to respond.

The reason why I'm "lamenting" here is to give myself an outlet, because I have a feeling that when we do see, he won't like what I have to tell him.

I have one of these "friends" of mine ask me how I take care of myself sexually when I don't have a boyfriend (for goodness sake, we are not that close and work is the common factor here).

I am pear-shaped: plenty of hips, practically no boobs and a pretty slender waist! I'll spare you all the comments that has generated (you know it is supposedly an african thing, where our african men like girls with hips and butts-how "nice"). Now this is me, this is how I'm built and I want it respected. I rarely wear trousers and tuck in shirts to work (even during the periods we had to dress down and permitted to wear T-shirts and jeans to work) 'cos believe me, it does get tiring.

What's with all the sexual remarks? I have so much to offer besides being restricted to just my ass and tits?

You want to talk to me? Talk to me.

Well, all said, I intend to address the "deep kiss" issue asap!! Enough I say

Before I forget, did I mention that most of these sexual-laden remarks are made by my married colleagues? Don't get me wrong, it's not a behaviour I want to encourage in just anyone (I'm not so prudish that I can't enjoy a joke or two but i need to strictly limit those who feel they have a right to make those comments to me).

It TOTALLY PUTS ME OFF

This is just a JOKE! Enjoy!!

Double click on the picture-it will open in a new window and you can read it. Quite funny

Get Married Girl! You Are Out Of Time

My mum calls me up around 9 am on July 7, 2007, informing me that a daughter of a family friend of ours was getting married later that day, telling me it would be nice to go (see wayo! the woman was looking for a driver). I knew I could say no, but hey! she's my mum. Called her back to tell her I'd pick her up and we'd go together.

If you are familiar with Lagos, let me tell you what the journey entailed: I live in one part of town, my parents stay in another and the wedding was in Iju (what a trip) and I had to drop her at home before getting back to mine ( and did I mention that it was a rainy day and the traffic was amazing?)

My plan actually had been to pay a visit to my folks that day as I hadn't seen my mum for about five weeks (had been in the UK on vacation for two weeks and hadn't seen her since I got back), so I guess you can say "things wotrked out"

Well, I've always had a "cat and dog" relationship with my mum, so moving out in December 2006 did a lot to help our relationship. This way I knew I could get the hell out if she got on my nerves.

To be quite frank actually, the journey with her that day was interesting. My mum has a comment for everything (actually, we as her children suffer that), so the issue of me still being unmarried at almost 32 came up (AGAIN!!). My maternal grandma has joined the rally as well.

My mum told me that my time has run (at 31?). I was so amused I laughed. I told her I'm the more attractive bred now (nothing like matured fine wine) and for goodness sake, I'm just 31 (give me a break).

So I have issues: I refuse to be pressurised into this whole marriage thing. To be honest, if I wanted to get married today, I would (I mean he has been on my case for almost a year) but is that what I really want?

Am I asking for too much if I want to be happy and hope that I get it right? My idea of marriage is that the woman seems to have give up so so much (name, move house, change religion {hello!!you think I can't make a decision where my spiritual life is concerned}-the list is endless) and I don't want to lose my individuality. I need someone who would respect that and be supportive.

I have a fairly stubborn streak (won't even bother to argue with you especially if I'm sure I have facts on my side), so I need someone who accepts the good, the bad & ugly I present (and I know I can do the same too.

But at the end of the day, I do believe I'm scared of that level of commitment (you know, I can come up with a million reason, like the ones I stated above, but I really think that's it).

I once asked "him" (by the way, I'm not even dating him) how easy it was for him to know that he wanted to marry me and he gave me a whole bunch of reasons (lucky him) and here I am as the woman "dilly-dallying", despite the fact that we are often reminded that our "biological clock" is ticking away (what happened to adopting a child and loving it totally?-children are gifts, no matter what form they come in).

I want to be happy (is that too much to ask for??).

By the time I tell my mum, I'm planning to travel out for a masters degree, the woman may just have a heart attack.

I seem to be a LOST CASE!!!

What next? (2)

I finally decided what I need to do to relieve this boredom: undertake a masters' programme outside the country (probably the UK).

Believe me when I say things have really gotten to a head for me to come that decision. I have never be too keen on the idea of ever spending more than two weeks there (hate the weather, bloody expensive, morals are not at par) but that's where I am now-thinking of making the UK my home for at least a year next year.

I'm hoping the experience will do me good: make friends, learn something new, maybe changes to some of my reservations about "them". If not for the monetary consideration, I would have left naija like yesterday but all that has to wait till next year-it's a rolling plan and I'm setting it into motion.

What next?

It's 11 am on Monday July 2, 2007 and I'm feeling pretty jobless. I truly do not have much to do and I feel so redundant. It really isn't a nice feeling.

Don't get me wrong-there are days like that @ work and you don't mind, 'cause you could do with a little lull in work, but so early in the week? I wonder what this means for the whole of the week.

Thankfully, I'm being considered for a redeployment and can't wait to get out of here.

I did have a defined job at this time last year, till we had some new additions into the department (which truthfully speaking) I didn't see the need for (but moving on-why dwell in the past?).

One of them took over my functions (please note I wasn't informed that this change will take place till the chick resumed duty). A new desk was now carved out for (hmm! new challenge-may just be interesting). Had to work on defining the job description and that took a while-in the process made some new "friends" which wasn't bad but it is still not fulfilling and that's why I'm sitting here this morning, wondering what on earth I'm doing here.

A redeployment will just fill this void temporarily. Truth is I need a new job-I need a change. I want to do something else before I really lose it. Seven years of work experience should definitely count for something.

So many questions are now coming up in my mind-I realise I'm not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but here I am. I really hate to complain but maybe bearing in mind all the "voids" existing in my life should ginger me to do something desperately about them.

Suggestions, any1?

PS: I'm using the attached pic because I'm longing for some order in this life of mine.

Pet Peeves (Part 1)

1) I'm @ the carwash (fending off sandflies) when I smell it-cigarette smoke! For goodness sake! A little consideration here guys. Oxygen is free, so I'm so entitled to it. Talk about ruining the environs 4 me. I really do hate smoking but I'm not here to take on a preacher's cloak (just be sure that whatever decision you take, you can live with it). If you need to smoke, please know it's not all about you.

2) I'm in the office-a couple of days past payday & my unit is being deluged (by the drivers, security guards etc who have problems with their pay). Un4tun8ly, it is like this every month since those categories of staff are seconded to us & we pay based on input rec'd by their employers (who remain a dodgy source). My unit is small-we barely have leg room, but once these contract staff have an issue, they are everywhere. Don't get me wrong-they don't earn that much in the first place, so their salaries aren't things to fool around with (well, I won't pardon any1 for fooling around with mine), but Lord! not only do they have to deluge us, they have to come in smelling so "FRESH". You are trying to deal with one, the next one comes in and stands there, and he is joined by another. When you tell them to please go outside & come in one by one so you can attend to them gradually, you become persona non grata. I keep having to remind myself that they know no better, but being denied my free flow of body & air?? (don't i deserve to put up a fight?)

3) I'm blinded-I can't see (dangerous because I'm driving). What is with people & turning up their headlamps way up, till no-one can see, whether they are in the opposite lane facing you or right behind you? Please there are other road users here (yeah, there are times it's necessary, especially since we have no street lights) but please do remember to tone it down a little. If I die, my blood is on your hands.

4) And I see her-she left her house feeling pretty confident. You can't remember what she has on because her eye-make up overwhelms everything else (this is for the women). Why do we end up being masquerades in the name of beauty? Do note you are meant to enhance your features, not drown it and before I forget the major faux pas of all, it is called SHAPING your eyebrows, not SHAVING your eyebrows (I'll do a post on that one day soon-we all need to master the trick, you know)

Power of Love/Love Power

My initial plan had been to post this in time for valentine's day but didn't meet my deadline (had a tooth extraction a day before and it still hurts like hell)

Anyway, I decided I had to do it today, not necessarily because of Valentine's day but because we (humanity) really lack love for one another.

I'm @ work-it's 7.16 pm and I just received a memo from one of our branches that a driver had been shot to death just yesterday. From eye-witness accounts, he didn't resist, he was co-operative and he was still killed. The question still remains "WHY"?

It drove home the fact that we are so superficial in our dealings: we need to have direct dealings/relationship with another person to show him/her "love" (which in this context means with decency and respect for the other persons, their belongings, their territory, their lives)

I still have one or two things to learn myself but Lord, why the aggression? why the need to infringe on others territories? why the total disrespect for others?

My thoughts are not totally collected at the moment and I hope that one day I'll do this subject better justice, but in the meantime, you could sing along with Luther Vandross "Power of Love/Love Power" lyrics I have pasted below and the song says it all. It's not about that person we are in love with (or we feel we are in love with or lust after) but love to be shared around, for the next person.

And believe it, we all have We've got love; it's the greatest power of them all and if you believe me, together we can't fall

When I say goodbye it is never for long

Cause I know our love still lives on

It will be again exactly like it was

'Cause I believe in the power of love

When you're close I can feel the power

When it's love I can always tell

Love for me is the best thing now

It's something that I know so well

Hold me closer and every minute

Of every hour, feel the power of love, yeah

Hold me tighter and take me higher

And feel the fire of the power of love

Did you know that your feelings show

You thought your love was locked up inside

But when your senses start to overload

Love is something you should never hide

You've got to believe in love

It's a feeling that's next to none

Can't stop until we are one

With the power of love

Tell everyone to try

I promise you'll reach the sky

One thing that we can't deny

Is the power of love

So close your eyes and you can feel it

Comin' straight from above, it's the power of love

You can't deny it, so don't even try it

Let the feelin' sweep you off your feet

You've got to believe in love

It's a feeling that's next to none

Can't stop until we are one

With the power of love

Tell everyone you see

How much better the world could be

For them and for you, for me

With the power of love

Ooh, ooh, ooh

My-my-my-my-my-my

You've got to feel the power

Yeah, yeah

So listen up and you will hear it

A symphony from above, it's the power of love

So glad we've found it, now there's no way around it

Just let the feeling sweep you off your feet

You've got to believe in love

It's a feeling that's next to none

Can't stop until we are one

With the power of love

Tell everyone to try

I promise you'll reach the sky

One thing that you can't deny

Is the power of love

When we walk down the street

We don't care who we see or who we meet

Don't need to run, don't need to hide'

Cause we've got something burning inside, yeah

We've got love power

It's the greatest power of them all, ooh...ooh...

We've got love power

And together we can't fall, sing it with

We've got love (Love) power

(Power)It's the greatest power of them all

Oh, we've got love (Love) power (Power)

And together we can't fall, and all the good

(We've got love) Ooh, we've got love

(Power), yes, we do(It's the greatest power of them all)(We've got love)

Love-love-love (Power)

(And together we can't fall)

We'll never fall if we've got

(We've got love) If we've got love (Power)

(It's the greatest power of them all)(We've got love)

Tell the world we got love (Power) tell the people about it(And together we can't fall)

And it's all because we've got, we've got

We've got love (Love) power (Power)

Oh, it's the greatest power of them all and if you believe me

We've got more love (Love) power (Power)

And together we can't fall, I know, can't fall

We can't fall (Love) when there's a love power (Power)

'Cause it's the greatest power of them all

"What goes round, comes round"

At the beginning of the year, I prayed to be a more tolerant person (more understanding, more patient-patience is something I don't have in abundance-& it's all taking a toll)

Everybody wants to take adavantage of the other @ some point in time & you then wonder why things happen to you when they do. Have you all heard about reciprocal action (what you sow is what you will definitely reap?)

I'll start with the petrol attendants (thankfully, the fuel scarcity is over). I don't doubt that this people are not paid well (the logic being that all they have to do is pump fuel into your tank), but nothing beats their ingenuity during fuel scarcity. Some of them actually extort money from motorists before they can gain access into the filling station (and you think your problems have ended? NO!!!!). You get to the pump and you are charged extra before the actual sale begins & Lord, you must be lucky & blessed if the original pump price is maintained (and they actually wonder why they remain where they are)

My next port of call is the "NIGERIAN POLICE". Oh my friendly neighbourhood police-they have been the butts of so many jokes, I won't torture you any further. It has become their life calling to stand on the road and cramp the style of the populace. I have a problem where because, you see me driving a decent car, you assume I don't have any problems and should be able to solve yours (after all, what can a young woman like me with seemingly no obligations @ all, be doing with money? By the way, when I set up that charity organisation, I'll be sure to let you know)

One of the last two experieinces I had with one of these idiots was being stopped in traffic and this guy approaches and ask for my drivers licence. He was reeking! He was drunk! I was appalled. I grabbed my licence from him, when he started asking that I open my car for him, so he could get into the passenger seat. Anyway, I managed to get away after parting with some hard earned cash for the following reasons (It was past 9 pm on a workday & I was close to the police station-all he had to do was come up with some trumped charges-which he threatened to do by the way).

Well, the point I'm trying to make is that they don't understand why they never seem to progress from where they are. You know, they just stand by the side of the road harassing people and it's like they are just doomed to do that. I keep thinking of ingenious things I could do to money before passing it on to them (& believe me, I will be so damn generous). Maybe I should get into the police force (take it from me, I'm not interested in extorting money from people, but it would be so nice to Lord it over some of those clowns on the road.

Essentially, the purpose of my rigmarole is that we will always get what we give. Let's all work towards instilling decent values in ourselves. Let's never assume that the next person has it better than we do. We all experience the lows and highs (I tell people to look at nature-the hills exist next to the valleys-what does that tell you?)

Contentment does not mean being lazy. Strive at all point in time to be better than you are! Don't rest on your oars but never ever hurt someone intentionally. I may not be nice, but I subscribe to the school of being civil to people @ all times.

Breastfeeding considered offensive

Ok, so i just read this really interesting article on a debate on breastfeeding (see link http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16773617/wid/11915773?GT1=8921).

I, for one, know I will never breastfeed in public (i'm a bit of a prude) but come on! The problem is that everything has a sexual connotation-we are not innocent anymore (and as I write that, I realise that's why I'd never breastfeed in public).

The Lord makes no errors-do you know about all the nutrients a baby receives from his/her first breastmilk (called the colostrum)? the protection? the immunity it provides? Everything was well provided for.

I found it hypocritical though, that in America, breastfeeding in public is considered "offensive". Hmm!! please take a look at those designer clothes that are slashed in front from here to there (and with some pretty ugly breasts on display too. By way of digression, I was looking at clothes worn by celebrities to the SAG awards-Jada Pinkett-Smith looked so nice but maybe it's time she stuck to dresses that cover. Her boobs are responding to gravity).

Well, for more educational info on breastfeeding, cehck this site out http://obgyn.health.ivillage.com/pregnancybasics/breastfeeding.cfm?sicontent=0&sicreative=627066133&sitrackingid=3471779&ivNPA=1&sky=gglhcotbreastfeedingobPPC496Ds

By the way, I'm not a mother.

Join the debate and let me know what you think!!!